Dear soldier,

First, thank you for your service. I’m writing to you as part of our school project to write to a soldier and admittedly I don’t know what to say. We aren’t allowed to tell you our name or anything identifiable about ourselves, so that kind of restricts what I usually write about. So I apologize in advance if you find this boring, but hopefully not 🙂

I’m 17 years old (about to turn 18), female, and a senior in high school in Florida. I have a younger sister who is 13 and a total pain in my butt. My favorite classes are art and technology. I’m hoping to go to college next year for coding or computer science (nerd alert).

Without writing your name or “anything identifiable” tell me about yourself. Do you have any siblings? What do you like to do? Any hobbies?

In an effort to make this not completely boring here’s a joke (that hopefully isn’t too cheesy).

Why did the soldier bring a pen into battle?

(because he wanted to draw his weapon – ha!)

Hope you have a great day!

—C

* * *

Hey C,

Thanks for writing. We get a lot of letters, and trust me, yours is not boring compared to most of the others. It must have been that cheesy dad-joke you added at the end 😉

I’m 20 years old, male, and from Georgia. I also have a younger sister who is a pain in my butt, though I would have chosen a different word to use for her. She’s also a senior in high school, though she has no idea what she wants to go to school for.

When I’m not stuck in a giant sand box, I like to play video games, hang out with my friends, and watch sports. I like all sports, but football and soccer are my favorite to watch on tv. I enjoy crossword puzzles and word searches, and I also like to read suspense novels and biographies.

What about you? What do you do for fun?

I’m not an artist, so I won’t attempt to draw a cute animal like you did, but here’s my attempt at a cheesy joke.

What is a soldier’s favorite holiday?

(Tanks-giving)

—V

* * *

Hi V,

Okay your joke was definitely cheesier than mine, but I still laughed. Did you say my cat was “cute”? I drew you a very tough and intimidating cat!  In fact, that cat is so tough it will protect you while you are overseas protecting people like me 🙂

I’m assuming from your sand box comment that you aren’t in the Navy. Are you allowed to tell me what branch of the military you are in?

That’s cool your sister is the same age as me! Most of my friends don’t know what they want to do after they graduate either, so she isn’t alone.

What do I do for fun? I love music. I listen to a variety: pop, country, Latin, hip-hop, rock, etc. Though my favorite is Taylor Swift. Yes, I am a huge Swiftie. I’ve never seen her in concert, but hopefully on her next tour I can go see her somewhere. Do you like music?

Why does the Army soldier always carry a pencil?

(Because they’re really good at drawing blanks –hehe)

—C

* * *

C,

First of all, I’m not sure we can be writing friends anymore. A Swiftie? Really? My sister is also a Swiftie and I’m sorry but one of you is more than enough for me. I’m more of a classic rock and alternative rock music fan, though I can also tolerate some country music depending on the artist. Though saying that, and I’ll deny it if you ever tell my sister, but at this very moment I wouldn’t even complain if I heard Taylor Swift playing in the background instead of constant gunfire.

Second, I’m not sure I would have used those words to describe your cat drawing, but I’ll take your word for it 🙂

Third, terrible joke. I can’t give too many details, but I can tell you that I am part of the Army. My dad and grandfather were Army too. This means no more of those terrible jokes unless they are at the expense of the other branches…like the one I put below.

What do you call a Marine with half a brain?

(Gifted—ha!)

—V

* * *

V,

I don’t even know you that well, but it bothers me a lot that you can hear that much gunfire constantly (even if you are admitting you secretly love Taylor Swift music). I don’t even know what a real gunshot sounds like, other than what it sounds like in the movies. I’m here if you want to talk about it. Not sure how I could help, but I’m here if you need to vent. Just know that people like me appreciate what you are doing over there, and my evil, scary cat drawing will help protect you.

We can also talk about other things. How about the other guys in your Army group? Are they nice? Did you know any of them before hand?

Why did the Navy’s ship blush?

(Because it saw the ocean’s bottom—hehe)

—C

* * *

C,

Ah so we’ve switched to dirty jokes now? I definitely have a few of those up my sleeve 🙂

I’m glad you’ve never heard gunshots in real life. I hope it stays that way. It’s not always gunfire over here. Honestly, it’s mostly hurry up and wait. I spend most of my time sitting very still waiting for something that may or may not happen. It’s very boring. But I would prefer the boring if it means all my crew stays safe.

Speaking of which, it’s called a squadron—the group of guys I’m with here, and they are great. Sometimes we are with other squadrons if we team up for a mission, but most times it is just us. My sergeant is awesome. Some of them are dicks, but I really ended up with a great one.

You mentioned in your first letter that you were turning 18 soon, did you have your birthday yet? I just had mine a few months ago. The guys made me a sand cupcake. Don’t worry, I didn’t eat it. My mom sent me some socks, which is oddly an amazing gift over here because it may be hot during the day, but it can get super cold at night.

What’s a soldier’s favorite type of exercise?

(Booty camp)

-V

* * *

V,

I hope you like the gift I sent in your care package this week. It’s not much, but you said socks are great, so consider it a belated birthday gift from me!

Yes, I’m 18 now! Just last month. I don’t really feel any different, but I guess that’s because I’m still living at home and in school. Maybe it will feel differently when I’m off to college.

I’m glad the guys you are with are great, and even happier you have a great sergeant! Can you tell me more about the guys (without giving too much away)?

Speaking of which, this writing program ends once I graduate, but I would really like to keep writing to you. I know sharing addresses for writing isn’t really allowed, but what about email? Would you be open to that? No pressure if you don’t. I just really enjoy our letters and feel a strange connection to you, and I’d like to keep in touch.

What form is required for all soldiers?

(A uni-form)

-C

* * *

C,

Ok, this is officially the worst gift ever. Taylor Swift socks?!  Really?!  Just so you know the guys in my squad gave me so much crap for these and will likely never let me live this down. Thanks a lot (huge eyeroll).

I’m only wearing them because they are thick and warm and the pair my mom sent me have a hole. Otherwise, these would be in the trash. After I burned them.

The only reason why I’m still even writing to you after that horrible gift is because you also sent a crossword puzzle book. I’ve never done a murder mystery crossword before. This is actually a badass gift. You are forgiven for the awful socks. Barely.

Congratulations on almost graduating! I would definitely like to keep writing to you. Despite the bad jokes, and awful socks, your letters are a bright spot for me. Maybe it’s because of the anonymity, but I feel like I can tell you anything. My email is below. Though fair warning, this may cause us to cross a line since you are now going to know part of my name.

What rank are all cats in the military?

(Corpurrrral)

V
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